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We haven't got anymore beer. There's frigging on the rigging; Wanking on the planking, Tossing on the crossing, There was fuck all else to do. Twas on the good ship Venus, By God you should have seen us, The figurehead was a whore in bed And the mast the Captain's penis.

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Each sailor lad's a brother, To each and one another, We'd take great pains at our daisy chains, Whilst writing home to mother. Nor shall the sight of honourable scars, Which my too-forward valour did procure, Frighten new-listed soldiers from the wars. For though we reached our station, Through skilfulThe ship got sunk, in a wave of spunk, From too much fornication.

The captain's name was Lugger. Delighted squeals Came when some eels Swam into her sexual quarters. A fine musician Carter He a tuneful bloody farter. We saw a Spanish Galleon, Its figurehead a stallion, And when we saw it was full of whores, There wasn't any dallyin'. Sailing on the Sargasso, To make the doldrums pass, Oh, We'd launch a spree of buggery, Upon each other's assholes. By God he had a whopper; Twice round the deck, Thrice round his neck, And up his arse for a stopper. But the bosun's plan was prosperous, He dipped his cock in phosphorous; All through the night it kept alight To guide us through the Bosporous.

As some brave admiral, in former war, Deprived of force, but pressed with courage still, Two rival fleets appearing from afar, Crawls to the top of an adjacent hill; From whence with thoughts full of concern he views The wise and daring conduct of the fight, And each bold action to his mind renews His present glory, and his past delight; From his fierce eyes, flashes of rage he throws, As from black clouds when lightning breaks away, Transported, thinks himself amidst his foes, And absent yet enjoys the bloody day; So when my days of impotence approach, And I'm by pox and wine's unlucky chance, Driven from the pleasing billows of debauch, On the dull shore of lazy temperance, My pains at last some respite shall afford, Whilst I behold the battles you maintain, When fleets of glasses sail about the board, From whose broides volleys of wit shall rain.

Stallings's home!

The good ship venus

You're an ass. Find all posts by A. Nigel Holt. The second mate's name was Hopper.

The end of this narration, Is a credit to the nation, For we sunk the junk in a sea of spunk, Caused by mutual masturbation. We boiled his bum in red-hot rum, For cumming in the brandy. The Captain loved the cabin boy, He loved him like a brother, And every night between the sheets, They cornholed one another.

Twas on the good ship venus

They bored a hole above the keel To let the water out; But strange to say, to their dismay, The water in did spout. The third mate's name was Morgan, By god he was a gorgon, From half past eight he played till late, Upon the captain's organ. Alternatives The captain's name was Morgan, By Christ he was a gorgon. There was Midshipman Caruthers, Beloved of all the others; He wasn't quite a hermaphrodite, But a mistake of his mothers.

Interestingly, though now his reputation is for whimsical love poems, in his day he was known as the shocking "bad-boy" of poetry: 22 from "73 Poems" annie died the other day never was there such a lay-- whom,among her dollies,dad first "don't tell your mother" had; making annie slightly mad but very wonderful in bed --saints and satyrs,go your way youths and maidens:let us pray. Nor shall our love-fits, Cloris, be forgot, When each the well-looked link-boy strove t'enjoy, And the best kiss was the deciding lot: Whether the boy fucked you, or I the boy.

How he our gallant craft? Traditional - with very, very many variations Twas on the good ship Venus, By gad! Great stuff- I didn't know there was so much bawd in the old masters - or masters in a an old bawd I decided to put this piece here, even though it's a song, as it's fabulously indecorous and goes well with the theme: Does anyone know the history of these and perhaps alternate verses?

The gunner was McPherson To snatch had an aversion, So he stuck his cock up a water-cock, A peculiar perversion! The water gained apace. We knew sooner or later, Approaching the equator, That every Jack would have a whack, At turning fornicator.

'twas on the good ship venus

The cook was Old O'Malley, He didn't dilly-dally. On every foot of rigging, There were sailors frigging, In the lookout's nest, they'd take a rest, From their poking and their digging. One more from the Peer: Song Love a woman? He shot his bolt with a hell of a jolt, And whitewashed half the galley. The cabin boy was Kipper, By Christ he was a nipper. The Captain of this lugger, He was a dirty bugger, He wasn't fit to shovel shit, From one deck to the other. By God he was a farter. This is the tale that was told to me By a battered and shattered son of the sea-- To me and my messmate, Silas Green, When I was a guileless young marine.

He stuffed his arse with broken glass And circumcised the skipper. The Sixth mate's name was Andy, By God that man was randy. The first mate's name was Carter. The blurb below is from the site, so I thought I'd keep it in. Go to View First Unread. The cabin boy was Kipper, The filthy little nipper, He stuffed his arse with broken glass And circumcised the skipper. Ten times a day He'd stop and play With his fucking organ. A favorite.

Good ship venus

Should hopeful youths worth being drunk prove nice, And from their fair inviters meanly shrink, 'Twould please the ghost of my departed vice, If at my counsel they repent and drink. The cabin boy, the cabin boy, His first name was Davy, He filled his bum with bubble gum, And vulcanised the Navy. He'd pump and pump his massive stump, And clean the mess up later.

Susan, marvellous translations, especially of "Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo. The Captain was elated, The crew investigated. The third mate's name was Morgan, A Homosexual gorgon, Three times a day fine tunes he'd play Upon the Captain's organ.

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With tales like these I will such heat inspire, As to important mischief shall incline. Or should some cold-complexioned set forbid, With his dull morals, our night's brisk alarms, I'll fire his blood by telling what I did, When I was strong and able to bear arms. Not bawdy, so could be off topic, but I suspect this verse is the origin of the Venus parody: Tale of the Gyascutus Anon.

The Captain's randy daughter, Was swimming in the water, Delighted squeals came as the eels, Entered her sexual quarter. Jack, we DO actually have quite a of bawdy limericks in the Mastery archives, under the "Guilty Pleasures. The Disabled Debauchee by John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester The most notorious libertine, bisexual poet of the 17th Century, was also a a successful Naval officer - and this was his rather jaundiced view of his future. The ship's dog's name was Rover, We turned that poor thing over, And ground and ground that faithful hound From Tenerife to Dover.

By Christ he was a bugger. When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go, Carter, the farter, would start her.

You should post your Frost parody here, as it's the funniest thing I've seen in a good while - I hope to see it in the prison gazette when it's published Another by John Wilmot - or rather - by John Wilmot this time. The captain's daughter Charlotte, Was born and bred a harlot, Her thighs at night were lily white, By morning they were scarlet. You should have seen us, The figure-head was a whore in bed, And the mast a rampant penis.

Good ship venus

And when we reached our station, Through skillfulThe ship got sunk in a wave of spunk, From too much fornication. I'll make them long some ancient church to fire, And fear no lewdness they're called to by wine. The trainee cook was Wooden, By Christ he was a good'un; He tossed off twice in a bag of rice And called it sago puddin'. The Master's name was Cooper, By god he was a trooper, He jerked and jerked until he worked Himself into a stupor.

The cook his name was Freeman, He was a dirty demon, He fed the crew On menstral stew And hymens fried in semen. Then up spoke the cook of our gallant ship And he was a lubber brave; "I have several wives in various ports, And my life I'd orter save.

He took the anchor on his back And leaped into the main; Through foam and spray he clove his way, And sunk and rose again. Through foam and spray, a league away The anchor stout he bore; Till, safe at last, he made it fast, And warped the ship ashore! The first mate's name was Paul He only had one ball, But with that cracker he rolled tobacco, Around the cabin wall.

Having done minutes of unpaid research into this topic since posting, I have discovered that there are literally hundreds of variations on the theme of this song Nigel [This message has been edited by Nigel Holt edited January 25, Find all posts by Nigel Holt. I'm not sure this counts as bawdy exactly, but I did think of this one by E. Don't think it could get published nowadays. So now we end this serial, Through sheer lack of material, I wish you luck and freedom from, Diseases venereal. They found some sand in his prostate gland, And he had to be castrated.

Past joys have more than paid what I endure. The ship's dog's name was Rover, The whole crew did him over.

The good ship venus

When the wind wouldn't blow, And the ship wouldn't go, Carter the farter would start 'er. They ground and ground that faithful hound From Singapore to Dover. He wasn't fit To shovel shit From one ship to another. Thanks Hugh - interesting to see it.

Song of the sea: good ship venus

The captain's lovely daughter Liked swimming in the water. And reef the spanker boom; Bend a studding sail on the martingale To give her weather room. Thus statesman-like, I'll saucily impose, And safe from danger valiantly advise, Sheltered in impotence, urge you to blows, And being good for nothing else, be wise. The second mate was Andy, By Christ he had a dandy, Till they crushed his cock On a jagged rock For coming in the brandy.

Hugh Clary. We caught little Middie Tupper And rubbed his balls with butter; The charge whizzed past the mizzen mast And foamed against the scupper.

I'll tell of whores attacked, their lords at home, Bawds' quarters beaten up, and fortress won, Windows demolished, watches overcome, And handsome ills by my contrivance done. Such was the tale that was told to me, By that modest and truthful son of the sea, And I envy the life of a second mate Though captains curse him and sailors hate, For he ain't like some of the swabs I've seen, As would go and lie to a poor marine.

The bosun's name was Hopper, By Christ he had a whopper, Twice round the deck, once round his neck And up his arse as a stopper. The Fifth Mate's name was Slater, He was a masturbator.

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The tune usually used especially for the chorus is " Go In and Out the Window ".

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Friggin' in the riggin', Wanking on the planking, Rossing in the crossing, 'Cos there's fuck all else to do.

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Chorus: Friggin' in the riggin', Friggin' in the riggin', Friggin' in the riggin', There was fuck all else to do.

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