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You had a long day at work. You come home, kick off your shoes and speed-walk to the fridge. There you are: hungry, bordering on starving, in front a beautiful fully stocked fridge. The options are endless, yet you reach for the Cool Ranch Doritos in the pantry. You see, the chips in this scenario represent masturbation—the easiest means to an end.

Name: Cori

How old am I: 24
Where am I from: French
My orientation: Male
Color of my hair: Silvery
What is my figure type: My figure features is quite slim

The New York Jacks meetup was not my first experience with public group sex. This cult of penis-worship is on full display on BateWorld, a site that requires registration to access.

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Perhaps these are the opposite poles of every sexual encounter, but walking this line is vital to learning about your own desire, a process in which cruising and other forms of semi-anonymous sex, both online and in real life, can play a major part. Warning This image is graphic Tap to reveal Click to reveal. The impossibility of long-term, semi-sexual friendships between men and women more or less sums up all 10 seasons of Friendsand yet queer people fill their movie nights and housewarmings with old hookups and Tinder dates who they may or may not sleep with again.

As on Grindr, many BateWorld profiles are arrestingly frank about their interests, and in a lexicon as rich as it is specific.

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New members receive a 7-day premium membership trial to whet their appetites. Mutual masturbation can be considered a kink for many who take part in it, but for others, who identify as solosexualthis kink rises to the level of fetish: It is their preferred or exclusive method of sexual activity. Profiles are searchable, and can be filtered by location x miles from y zip code, or by cityage, penis size, sexual orientation, and even circumcision status, among several other factors.

At one end of the main room, a set of stairs le to a mezzanine with a few chairs and pleathery couches; at the other, behind an 8- or 9-foot wall that separates it from the main bar, is a more dimly lit space that le to a small room with a leather sling — which is where I ended up while looking for the bathroom. Submit it here. On the other side of the final door, a large older man wearing a jockstrap and sneakers ripped our tickets and asked whether it was our first time.

The event is organized by New York Jacks, a group that hosts regular meetings for men to gather in relative public to do something nearly every man does in relative private. Considered alongside the rest of the weekly schedule at Paddles, the activities of New York Jacks seem pretty vanilla. Sometimes we get a little stoned, sometimes we watch porn; afterward we usually catch up about friends or jobs or other plans.

Paddles is a long, narrow room with a bar though no alcohol is sold or permitted at NY Jacks events; instead, water and juice are offered beside a stack of small plastic cupsidentified in dreamy pink neon as Whips and Licks Cafe. Any closet is built out of a need to hide desire; even after coming out of The Closet, the major gay one, life can contain any of smaller closets. This insistence on the primal, the ur-male act of self-pleasure, is interesting to consider as a dividing line between mutual masturbation and sex, and the distinct kinds of relationships that surround both.

I recognized it as a hobby that I want to share.

All things considered, mutual masturbation is pretty tame — masturbation is something most people already do, albeit alone — but the popular notion of masturbation as somehow being failed sex, the purview of lonely internet trolls, le many would-be avid mutual masturbators to keep their sexual cards close to their chests. Masturbation is sex with yourself; mutual masturbation is sex with yourself with other people, who are also having sex with themselves.

11 things guys do when they masturbate

A visit to New York Jacks is cashing in on the less adolescent hours many of us spent alone in bed, fantasizing about just such an opportunity. We undressed at a bench near the entrance, put our shoes back on, claim tickets tucked into our socks for safekeeping, and waded in.

And touch them! One such online space is Kik, where there is at least one large private chat group of men in New York City who are into mutual masturbation. Among men who have sex with men, mutual masturbation is often seen as sex-adjacent, rather than a sex act in its own right. I spoke with one member of the group on Kik, a gay man in an open marriage whose husband is aware of his interests.

And that seems fine! In an effort to better understand the appeal of mutual masturbation and the community that seeks it, I went looking for other men for whom jerking off together is not merely sex-adjacent, but an important part of a balanced sex life.

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They take over Paddles on Tuesdays, and on Sundays host a meeting on the third floor of a building on West 38th Street. Not wanting to overcommit, I paid the single entry fee and resolved to keep an open mind about investing in my jerk-off future. New York Jacks is aimed at these men, most of them gay, who are interested in group masturbation — witnessing it, participating in it, and making like-minded friends.

Now we get together every few months — less regularly than a book club but more often than you see your best friend from college who lives in Washington Heights — hang out, and masturbate. What if we see someone we know?

Masturbation matters: 15 better ways to get off

Mutual masturbation is about the safest sex you can have with another person, and, unlike many common sex acts between men, requires virtually no preparation. My own scattered, teenage experiments were furtive and secret, and made me feel a deep and long-lasting shame about my own interest. I am likely both too repressed and too vanilla to ever be a gooner of any distinction, but the term speaks to the existence of a community of men for whom masturbation is a serious and important aspect of their sexuality. With the chipper, big-brother gentleness of a sophomore at freshman orientation, he pointed us around the space.

I lived for years in denial about what I wanted from other boys my age, or why, and chalked my interest up to the plausible deniability of anthropological curiosity.

One benefit BateWorld has over actual Facebook, aside from not being a malevolent engine of back-channel personal-information sale undermining American democracy, is that friend requests include a drop-down menu of : Buddy, Special Buddy, Just Curious, Hottie, or Other, with a text field to clarify whatever relationship you have or wish to have. Perhaps it is painfully male to get off to waving your dick around, but it's true that simply getting naked in front of someone is a huge part of the appeal of mutual masturbation and shared exposure.

The intimacy of mutual masturbation has a great deal to do with exposure, both literal and figurative: physically, in a manner more frank and explorative than most romantic-sexual ways of getting naked together, and personally, in sharing something that is not often discussed, or accepted as a kind of sexual encounter to be sought. In hindsight, many seem like meeting halfway between Do I like this? Everyone I spoke to on Kik pointed me to BateWorld as a community portal, and said men they meet on other apps often ask whether they have a BateWorld profile.

Contact John Sherman at johnsh3rman gmail.

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Shoes and nothing else is an odd look, but the strangeness of it faded after a few minutes, and I stopped noticing. Either way, why turn away perfectly good companionship just because the context has changed?

A BuzzFeed News investigation, in partnership with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, based on thousands of documents the government didn't want you to see.

I first attended a New York Jacks meeting with a friend on a Tuesday a few weeks ago. Maybe many do, but universalizing my own desires was my only avenue to self-acceptance. John Taggart for BuzzFeed News.

As in every fetish community, the fear of being outed as a participant in something deemed weird or pervy keeps many people, including bators, in the closet about their interests. But voyeurism is not sex, and, in the eyes of some, neither is mutual masturbation. Most of the men I spoke to are gay and do not identify as solosexual; mutual masturbation is simply something they enjoy among other homosexual diversions.

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Users can also public photo albums, which are often also mostly dick pics, but occasionally include faces, too. Got a confidential tip? It is the base unit of casual sex among men, and lends itself to cruising and other non-bedroom rendezvous. Some men I spoke to recounted experimentations with straight friends that ranged from watching porn together to jerking each other off, and for the ones who now identify as gay, these episodes reverberate intensely. The line between a kink and a fetish can be hard to distinguish, but one measure is to define a kink as a sexual proclivity, and a fetish as a necessary condition for sexual satisfaction.

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My earliest sexual experiences involved mutual masturbation — at sleepovers, in someone's unchaperoned basement, or over Skype — but I have often been afraid to admit how formative I believe those early, secret explorations were to my sexual development. Notorious homosexual. Jerking off or talking about doing so with someone else was as close as I could get at the time to admitting same-sex desire, by labeling it simple boyish curiosity. And yet look at me now.

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